


collecting names of lovers that went wrong

by kkaengie



Series: tell me that that lonely little heart of yours (ain't out of reach) [2]
Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: F/F, this has a much more serious tone than the first one hahaha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-12-17 08:49:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11848131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kkaengie/pseuds/kkaengie
Summary: “We should just leave this all behind,” Jeongyeon murmurs, her arm curling a little tighter around Mina’s shoulders. She looks at the glow in the dark stars on the ceiling, ones they’d drunkenly stuck up when they first moved in. “Hop into a spaceship and try to find them, whoever they are.”Mina smiles a tender smile, gazing upon Jeongyeon and feeling the same yearning in her heart. She wishes, too, that they could have a moment to breathe. “Leave all of this behind to hurtle endlessly through the universe, Yoo Jeongyeon?”“Would you come with me?” Jeongyeon asks, her head turning to meet Mina’s eyes, and her breath catches, her heart thrumming so loudly in her chest she worries Jeongyeon might be able to hear it.Jeongyeon’s thumb brushes over her jaw and Mina wishes she could kiss her right then, wishes Jeongyeon could open her eyes a little wider and see through to her heart. Mina wishes, but she doesn't, and Jeongyeon smiles like she hasn't held Mina’s heart in her hands for years. She leans into the touch instead, voice light but heart heavy. “I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.”--In which Mina loves and loses, and adds a few more notches to a belt that already fits just right.





	collecting names of lovers that went wrong

_0_. _wish that you would stop, making my head spin_

 

“Good morning.”

Mina can't help the way her lips curve into a smile when Jeongyeon only offers an unintelligible grumble in response, playing the part of a very cute, very hungover zombie. Jeongyeon pads over with heavy footsteps and arms outstretched, and Mina settles into the embrace easily, arms winding around Jeongyeon’s slim waist.

“You know, you have your own seat at this table,” Mina reminds in a teasing tone, pulling one arm back to comb her fingers through Jeongyeon’s messy hair, her heart stuttering when Jeongyeon only leans further against her.

“You’re more comfortable,” Jeongyeon croaks out, finally finding her voice, and sets about to prove her point as she squirms about on Mina’s lap. Mina laughs and Jeongyeon cracks a smile, one she’s seen a million times and one she’d love to see a million more.

Mina rubs Jeongyeon’s cheek, trying to wake her up a little more before she had to get her into the shower. “I asked oppa to grab some of the burgers that you liked, so you can have them on your way to your shoot.”

Jeongyeon makes a happy little noise, burrowing her face against the top of Mina’s head and squeezing her shoulders. “Have I told you that I love you?”

Mina’s heart skips at how easily the words leave Jeongyeon’s lips, at how she doesn't ever seem to notice what she does to Mina. Jeongyeon looks at her, the way she’s done for years and years, and yet Mina melts, a smile tugging at her lips.

She wonders if Jeongyeon even remembers her proposal. Jeongyeon had sounded determined despite her drunken state, eyes shining through the haze of alcohol. Mina had indulged her, because she almost always does, giving into the sparkle of Jeongyeon’s eyes and the slightest of touches. She wonders what Jeongyeon would have said if she hadn't agreed, if she had come clean, if she had let her heart spill after all these years.

Mina also wonders, as Jeongyeon tucks her hair back and kisses her forehead, how Jeongyeon can tell her she loves her when she’s ready to let Mina’s heart go so easily.

Mina wonders and wonders, and swallows down the words stuck in her throat instead, leaning into the touch of Jeongyeon’s lips against her skin. Jeongyeon kisses her head and Mina’s heart feels as heavy as her stomach had last night, still wallowing in alcohol. “I love you too.”

 

_1\. God himself did make us into corresponding shapes_

 

Jeongyeon doesn't forget, and Mina meets Nayeon over overpriced macarons and bland tea. They both take one bite of their food before Nayeon takes her hand and marches her right out of there, promising to never trust Jeongyeon’s recommendation to a place she’d never even eaten in.

Nayeon is loud and she whines about what a mess Jeongyeon is, but she holds Mina’s hand and pulls her closer when a group of guys stare in their direction, and Mina sees what Jeongyeon loves and hates about her. Nayeon holds Mina’s hand and gives her a smile over her shoulder, and she’s so beautiful Mina almost forgets how to breathe.

They end up in an arcade down the road, spending the rest of the day burning through their wallets for cheap arcade prizes and hurling insults at claw machines that always dropped the plushies just before they could win. Nayeon sulks and pouts when Mina beats her at shooting games, but is in no hurry to show off her skills behind the wheel, sending Mina a wink when she wins first place. Mina’s heart flutters, and when Nayeon nearly collapses over a game of DDR, Mina begins to wonder if she should take Jeongyeon’s advice, after all.

Nayeon kisses Mina on Mina and Jeongyeon’s doorstep, with trembling hands and shaking breaths, and Mina lets her. She curls her fingers into the cool leather of Nayeon’s jacket and kisses her like she wants to forget, and Nayeon understands. Nayeon kisses her and Mina forgets the ache in her heart for a single moment, but it’s enough.

Nayeon kisses Mina on a quiet April evening, smelling of books and flowery perfume, and when Jeongyeon asks her how her date had gone, Mina realizes Nayeon’s taken all of her words with her. A smile crosses her face instead, giddy with excitement, planting a kiss on Jeongyeon’s cheek before slipping away to her room. She feels Jeongyeon’s stare linger on her back, but she can hardly think about it, sinking into the sheets of her bed with the heavy notion that maybe, Jeongyeon was right all along.

Nayeon starts to pick her up for work in the morning.

Jeongyeon doesn't say a word.

 

_1.1 i know you have a heavy heart, i can feel it when we kiss_

 

Mina loves Jeongyeon, but she begins to love Nayeon, too.

Nayeon becomes a constant presence in her and Jeongyeon’s life, often joining them for lunch and always accompanying Jeongyeon to her shows. She carries a bouquet of flowers Mina doesn't recognize, but she smiles the way she did when she looked over her shoulder, and Mina can't help but smile back.

She spends hours at Nayeon’s apartment, encouraged by a kiss to the head and a ‘fighting’ by Jeongyeon, and Mina sees beyond the girl Nayeon tries to hide behind. To anyone else, Nayeon was loud and boastful and completely in love with herself, and with Mina she was that same girl, but gentler. Their dates almost always consist of cozy days in, or tucked away in corners of tiny coffee shops, or huddled together, surrounded by mountains of old books. Nayeon tells her she wants to capture her on camera, and Mina indulges her, captivated by the way Nayeon moves around behind it. She’s practiced and methodical, her eyes piercing, reaching deep into the depths of Mina’s heart.

Nayeon kisses her with the promise of taking away the ache in her bones, in her heart, because she already knows. She knows, and yet Nayeon loves her, all through the sunshine of Summer and the falling of leaves in Autumn.

“I loved her too,” Nayeon whispers into the darkness of her bedroom, her skin still burning, arms tight around Mina’s waist when Mina’s phone flashes on the nightstand. Mina’s heart skips. She doesn't answer Jeongyeon until the morning. Jeongyeon still picks her up, with a crooked smile on her face and thumbing at the mark on Mina’s shoulder, warning her to be more careful.

Winter comes and so do the whispers of their end, and Nayeon kisses her under the same arcade lights where they first fall for each other.

“I wish we could have been enough for each other.”

Mina comes home to the warmth of Jeongyeon’s arms, trembling from more than just the cold, and a small part of Mina knows it’s better like this. Knows better than to keep hurting each other. Jeongyeon doesn't come home until late the next day, her own eyes red rimmed as she smiles, pressing a light kiss to her temple.

Nayeon stops coming to her shows, and Mina stops visiting her shoots, but the flowers never stop coming and Mina still packs two lunches for Jeongyeon to take.

Mina loves Nayeon, and Nayeon loves Mina. It isn't enough.

 

_1.2 there are a hundred places i want to go, will you come with me?_

 

“Do you think there are other beings out there? Out in space?”

Mina lets out a hum, taking a moment to gather her thoughts as Jeongyeon thumbs through her hair, seemingly fascinated by how much shorter it was now.

“I think it would be arrogant of us to think there weren't,” Mina answers truthfully, fingertips tracing over Jeongyeon’s collarbone, exposed by the loose button up she was wearing. “To think that it’s just us floating around on a hunk of space rock forever and ever.”

“We should just leave this all behind,” Jeongyeon murmurs, her arm curling a little tighter around Mina’s shoulders. She looks at the glow in the dark stars on the ceiling, ones they’d drunkenly stuck up when they first moved in. “Hop into a spaceship and try to find them, whoever they are.”

Mina smiles a tender smile, gazing upon Jeongyeon and feeling the same yearning in her heart. She wishes, too, that they could have a moment to breathe. “Leave all of this behind to hurtle endlessly through the universe, Yoo Jeongyeon?”

“Would you come with me?” Jeongyeon asks, her head turning to meet Mina’s eyes, and her breath catches, her heart thrumming so loudly in her chest she worries Jeongyeon might be able to hear it.

Jeongyeon’s thumb brushes over her jaw and Mina wishes she could kiss her right then, wishes Jeongyeon could open her eyes a little wider and see through to her heart. Mina wishes, but she doesn't, and Jeongyeon smiles like she hasn't held Mina’s heart in her hands for years. She leans into the touch instead, voice light but heart heavy. “I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.”

 

_1.3 the time we spend together everyday is not enough_

 

“Did you have fun?”

Mina lifts her gaze from the ring resting upon her finger to meet Jeongyeon’s, who is pink-cheeked and bashful, her fingers drumming nervously on the seat divider between them.

Jeongyeon had swept her away on a weekend trip away from the city and their busy schedules, free from their managers and cameras for Mina’s 20th birthday. They spent their days lost in mazes and flowers and each other, basking in the Spring sunshine and their limited freedom.

Jeongyeon dotes on her, treating her to the best food and refusing to let her pay a cent, promising to let Mina return the favour for her own birthday. Mina relents and she’s treated like a princess, with Jeongyeon not leaving her side for a second, making her fall only harder and harder.

Their last day is spent making promise rings and wishes upon lanterns, and Mina wished with all her heart that the day would never end.

The skies don't give her that, but they do give her right now, Jeongyeon gazing earnestly, pinky brushing against hers. Mina smiles shyly and links their fingers, their rings clinking quietly.

“So much fun, all thanks to you,” Mina murmurs into the quiet of the airplane cabin, her heart racing as she leans over to press a kiss to Jeongyeon’s cheek.

They come home to the flashing of cameras and the thunderous calls of their names and reality rushes back, but Jeongyeon wraps an arm around her shoulder and keeps her close, and Mina knows she has nothing more to worry about.  


_2_. _like a river flows, surely to the sea_

 

Spring blossoms and yet Hirai Momo steps into her life like a hurricane, igniting a flurry in her heart and turning everything she knows upside down. Hirai Momo steps into Mina’s life and Mina feels like she can breathe again, just a little.

She’s gentle and sweet and different to Jeongyeon, to Nayeon, and tells Mina that she won a bet to take her out when they first sit at their dinner table. Mina’s surprised, but she laughs and forgives Momo, especially with the way Momo looks at her, eyes wide and honest. The first time Momo kisses her, she tastes of the chocolate ice cream they had for dessert and it’s easy to love her.

Their relationship is never really private, not to Jeongyeon and not to the public, especially when Momo announces her as her girlfriend on a surprise v-live. Mina had flushed and covered her face when Momo brought her into the camera, but the responses had been generally positive. Her notifications flood with mentions and Jeongyeon had turned them off, complaining along with the rest of those who supported their pairing.

“You’ve replaced me as your girlfriend,” Jeongyeon pouts at her that night, and Mina doesn't answer, pinching her cheeks instead. How could she say that, when Jeongyeon asked her to?

Mina finds a comfort in Momo, an equal despite their age difference. She spends her time tangled up in Momo, on the dance floor and otherwise. They share whispered secrets and laughter as their chests heave, backs cooled by the dance floor beneath them. Momo captivates her, with the way she moves on stage, with the way her eyes light up around food, with the way her hand slots into Mina’s. Mina loves her.

It ends all the same.

Momo comes and goes like a Spring breeze, with one last kiss after their final stage, Momo’s fingers warm as they curled around the nape of her neck. Mina comes home and Jeongyeon doesn't know any better, greeting her with the smile that makes her heart thump and a half-hug that makes her melt, like always.

Mina loves Momo, in all of her intensity and her gentleness, and wishes their love had been as easy as their necklaces slotting together.

It never is.

 

_2.1 tell me where is my fault in loving you with my whole heart_

 

Jeongyeon is the one who takes off the necklace, sweeping Mina’s hair away towards her shoulder. Her breath is warm, and her touch even warmer, and Mina feels silly to think she even thought she could ever try to forget.

Jeongyeon takes her necklace off, fingers steady and calloused by housework. “It’s beautiful.”

“I know,” Mina murmurs when Jeongyeon gently drops it into the palm of her hand, the diamond sparkling back at her. She brushes at the wetness of her cheek before giving Jeongyeon a smile, her chest feeling lighter in more ways than one.

They cook dinner side by side then, in the warm light of their kitchen, bumping hips and sharing smiles. Jeongyeon falls asleep like she usually does, wrapped around Mina like a koala and nuzzling into her shoulder. Mina smiles and closes her eyes, and lets her heart rest a little easier once more.

 

_2.2 what’s so simple in the moonlight_

 

“Mina, are you awake?”

Mina hums lowly into the phone, her eyes drooping and heavy with need for sleep, but her entire body yearning to be with the girl she was on the phone with. She curls a little tighter around Jeongyeon’s pillow, finding comfort in her scent, at least. “I haven't fallen asleep yet.”

It feels strange to be alone in their apartment, but Jeongyeon is gone to film for a survival show and Mina is left to bear with just the sound of her voice for almost a week. “I have an important question to ask you.”

Mina is a little more awake then, her body perking up at the serious tone in Jeongyeon’s voice, her heart starting to race within her chest. A chill trembles down her spine, a flood of worry washing over her. What if… “What is it about?”

“It’s about Momo,” Jeongyeon answers, and Mina is more than confused. It was already a little strange, knowing the girl she loves and the girl she loved were together for the show.

“What about Momo? Is she okay? Did something happen?” The questions spill out before she can stop them, concern seeping into her voice.

“Nothing’s wrong,” Jeongyeon is quick to reassure, but the moment of silence that follows is louder than even the thudding of Mina’s heart. “It’s just… who do you think has better abs? Me or Momo?”

Mina lets out a breath that she doesn't realize she’s holding, and she almost screams, sinking into Jeongyeon’s bed. “Yoo Jeongyeon, you can't be serious.”

“I am!” Jeongyeon whispers as loudly as she can, the sound of rustling to be heard behind her. “This is a very serious question for me.”

Mina groans and rubs her blushing face, trying not to think about the times she’d seen both Jeongyeon and Momo’s abs. “Whatever I say, you’ll think I’m lying.”

“Just answer me, Mina- _ssi._ ” Jeongyeon presses and Mina sighs, giving in to Jeongyeon’s strange questions, just because she misses her and her silliness.

“Yours, Yoo Jeongyeon. I think you have better abs.”

“Liar!” Jeongyeon exclaims louder than she means to, and Mina hears a familiar whine on the other line, followed by a smack and a muffled ‘shut up’.

Mina giggles and realizes Jeongyeon and Momo must be sharing rooms for filming. “Serves you right.”

“Your ex girlfriend is a bully,” Jeongyeon complains, and she hears another small smack, followed by Momo’s shriek, meaning Jeongyeon must have jabbed at her side in retaliation.

“Minari,” Momo’s sleepy voice filters through the speaker, and Mina feels her heart swell with endearment. “Tell your girlfriend to go to sleep already.”

Mina laughs again, but she flushes at Momo’s words all the same, and soon she hears Jeongyeon again, grumbling incoherently.

“You heard her, Yoo Jeongyeon,” Mina murmurs with an affectionate smile, all of the excitement catching up to her.

“Okay, okay,” Jeongyeon sighs out heavily, giving up on being quiet. Mina hears the smile in her voice, and her heart is no calmer. “Goodnight, Mina- _ssi_.”

Mina smiles, too, heart warm and full. “Goodnight, Jeongyeon _-san._ ”

 

 _3_. _like puzzle pieces from the clay_

 

It’s a year since she’s met Nayeon, and not even half a year since she’s met Momo when she runs into Minatozaki Sana, who bats her eyelashes and smiles in a way that makes her hold Jeongyeon’s hand a little tighter.

She knows nothing about Sana and yet she knows so much, from both Jeongyeon and Momo, who mention Sana as if they were mentioning the weather. Mina knows one thing for certain, that they both love her, and Mina can see why.

Minatozaki Sana is as wondrous as the way she speaks, full of light and life and an aura that creeps into Mina’s heart, one smile at a time. She finds herself a home in Sana, in the way Sana’s voice softens, in the way Sana waits, in the way Sana looks at her. Sana kisses her over hot coffee and half-burnt pancakes, and marches right into Mina’s heart, as easily as she breathed. Sana kisses her and Mina wishes this time it would be different, that this time, it would last.

It lasts, until Mina turns 21 and even further, one year melting into another.

It still ends.

“There’s this girl,” Sana tells her on a sweltering Summer night, their skin sticky as the fan spun lazily above them, and Mina knows.

Sana kisses her with a mouth full of apologies and cheeks stained with tears, but Mina can't even find it in her heart to be angry, relishing in what remains instead.

Sana stops coming to her shows, too, but Mina receives two bouquets instead of one, the news of Mina’s adopted penguin still comes, and Mina’s heart still beats another day.

 

_3.1 눈짓도 손짓도 어떤 표정도 소용이 없네 하나도 안 통해_

 

“I wish everyday could be like this.”

Mina turns towards Jeongyeon, whose legs are swinging lightly in the water, seated on the edge of the pool. She wades closer to Jeongyeon, who lets Mina rest between her legs without a second thought, fingers toying with Mina’s newly dyed hair.

“Do you regret it? Going to those auditions?” Mina asks, leaning onto Jeongyeon’s touch, arms propped on Jeongyeon’s thighs, golden from the sun.

“Never.” Jeongyeon shakes her head immediately, brushing water away from Mina’s brow with her thumb. “But don't you ever wonder where we’d be? If we didn't?”

“I wouldn't mind, as long as I was with you,” Mina admits with a subtle inhale, gathering up as much courage as she could. Jeongyeon looks at her then, hand stilling and eyes shining, and Mina wishes not for the first time to kiss her. Jeongyeon looks at her and Mina can almost hear her heart break in the silence, before Jeongyeon grins, bursting out into laughter.

“Okay, that was _really_ cheesy, Mina- _ssi.”_ Jeongyeon laughs and Mina’s heart doesn't feel any lighter, but she huffs and grins and pulls Jeongyeon into the water with her.

Jeongyeon squeals and splashes about for a minute, as Mina gets her own fill of laughter. “ _Merong~_ ”

“Oh, you’re gonna get it!” Jeongyeon calls and Mina shrieks with laughter as she swims away. She ends up cornered in the deep side of the pool, back against the wall as the water lapped at their chins. Jeongyeon glows in the blue of the swimming pool, illuminated by its lights.

“Got you,” Jeongyeon breathes out, eyes never leaving Mina’s, her blonde hair darkened by the water.

“Got me,” Mina echoes, and her eyes close when their foreheads touch, her breath hitching at the brush of their noses. A beat, and the door to the pool opens, and the spell is broken.

They sleep with their backs to each other that night, but wake up in each other’s arms, and Mina wonders how much more her heart can take.

 

_3.2 got my heart tied in a knot and my stomach in a whirl_

 

“This seems like a really bad idea.”

Jeongyeon scoffs and waves a hand dismissively, an easy smile on her face. “Please, this is nothing. Plus, it’s all for the greater good! This is a big hit with girls.”

Mina lifts her brow playfully, her fingers curled into the fabric of Jeongyeon’s baseball style jersey, her knees shaking. “And how would you know that, Yoo Jeongyeon, who hasn't had a girlfriend since high school?”

“How wouldn't I know, Myoui Mina, who didn't even _date_ in high school?” Jeongyeon shoots back and rests her hands squarely on Mina’s waist, eyebrows raised in challenge.

Mina shakes her head with a light blush, at the touch and her words. “Okay, touché. But still, I don't know if I should be doing stuff like this when I have a showcase in less than a week.”

Jeongyeon urges her onto the board regardless, hushing her concerns and keeping her steady, keeping just as close. “I won't let anything bad happen to you, you know that.”

Jeongyeon looks at her then, a sweet smile on her face, the way that made her eyes disappear, and Mina’s heart skips. “Okay,” She breathes out. “I trust you.”

Jeongyeon draws her hands back to hold Mina’s, and they amble along slowly, Mina trying to find her footing on the board. Jeongyeon stays close with an encouraging grin on her face, and only lets go once she thinks Mina has the hang of it. Of course, Mina doesn't, and a picture of Jeongyeon carrying Mina on her back ends up on the internet.

Sana calls Jeongyeon later that night and Mina can hear her through the speaker, sounding just like she did when a fan got too overzealous and tried to touch Mina. Jeongyeon lolls her head back against their couch, asking Mina to come save her with her eyes. Mina only grins and shakes her head, plopping right down on Jeongyeon’s lap. Jeongyeon pouts but takes the earful, her thumb running over the bandaids on Mina’s knee.

“Sana’s terrifying when it comes to you,” Jeongyeon groans once the call finally ends, her pout growing, and Mina feels her heart swell with affection, fingers running through Jeongyeon’s growing hair.

“Guess you’ll have to be extra careful with me then,” Mina hums, a teasing smile on her face, her fingers tracing over the curve of Jeongyeon’s ear.

“Have I ever been anything less?” Jeongyeon asks with a tilt of her head, and their gazes both drop to her knee before they meet once more, bursting out into a fit of laughter. Mina rests her head against Jeongyeon’s as the last of her giggles wrack through her, until they both sober and bask in the silence of their home. “I’ll be careful. I promise.”

“Cross your heart?” Mina whispers, and she feels 15 again, when Jeongyeon promised to hold her hand throughout the haunted house they’d been dared to go through.

Jeongyeon smiles warmly, squeezing Mina closer, and Mina melts. “Hope to die.”

 

_4.you were a flood that wrecked this heart_

 

Summer passes and Park Jihyo walks into her life like she belongs there, with her alluring eyes and soothing voice and sunshine smile, and Mina falls as easily as the leaves do.

Mina wishes she could have understood, wishes she could explain the way Jihyo seeps into crevices of her broken heart and tries to mend it. Mina wishes she could put into words, how Jihyo only smiled at her when she comes clean about her feelings for Jeongyeon, how her heart is not whole to give to Jihyo in the first place. Mina wishes she could explain the way her entire being ached when Jihyo kissed her, looking small for the first time since she’d met her, their hands shaking together. Jihyo kisses her and Mina aches, not for the first time, to truly forget.

Mina cannot give her heart, and so she gives her soul, baring her very insides open to a girl who only treats her with gentleness, with a tender smiles and honest eyes and never anything less. They find equals in each other, in every free minute they find for each other, in late night calls and hidden kisses away from prying eyes.

Mina cannot give her whole heart but she loves Jihyo, loves her to the very deep reaches of her soul, loves her through seasons and misunderstandings and the weight of their careers. Mina cannot give her whole heart but she loves Jihyo, especially when she pushes herself too far and hurts herself, when she wonders if all her troubles are worth it, when she wonders if she’s good enough. Mina cannot give her whole heart but she tries and tries and tries.

Park Jihyo fights for her heart for as long as she can.

She doesn't win.

“I guess there are some things even I can't do,” Jihyo says, her voice as full of tenderness and affection as it had been the first time they’d met, her thumb tracing over the bracelet on Mina’s wrist. Jihyo kisses her with trembling breaths and a crumbling heart and Mina feels it, with every step she takes back home, back to Jeongyeon.

Park Jihyo comes into her life like the ocean to a city, unable to stay without wrecking the other first.

 

_4.1 how tired am i of being scared?_

 

Mina is no stranger to fame, not when she’s friends with one of Korea’s top models, not when she’s dated two of Korea’s top artists. Mina is no stranger to the scathing words either, no stranger to the fear that shivers down her spines sometimes, no stranger to their articles and words and the way they twisted her into someone she wasn't.

It still hurts.

Mina features in a music video of one of the most popular boy groups of the year, and a rumor emerges after she’s spotted leaving the building with one of the boys, both of them held back by a last minute reshoot. Her phone floods with pictures and articles on the way back to her and Jeongyeon’s apartment, and her manager sends her a worried look from the front seat, an apology already written over their face.

Mina swallows down the lump in her throat and offers a shaky smile, shaking her head in reassurance.

She spends the rest of the day sheltered in the dark of her room, having already answered the concerned calls from Momo, Sana. Even Nayeon and Jihyo. Still, her phone buzzes incessantly beside her, pinging with notifications from everyone but the one person she wants to hear from. Mina tries to think rationally, but another part of her feels a chill in heart - worried that Jeongyeon might believe the words they wrote about her. Her phone buzzes and buzzes, until Mina can hardly take it anymore.

Jeongyeon is the one who shuts it off, home hours before she should be, who wraps Mina up in her arms. She cradles Mina close to her chest, and Mina feels tears springing into her eyes once more, soothed only by Jeongyeon’s presence.

“It’s not true,” Mina’s voice is muffled in the fabric of Jeongyeon’s shirt, thick with tears and exhaustion, her arms winding around Jeongyeon.

“I know,” Jeongyeon whispers, her fingers combing through Mina’s hair, holding her closer. “I know.”

It carries on for days.

Jeongyeon still stays, an arm curled around her shoulder as they make their way into the company building every morning, shielding her from the worst of the cameras.

“I won't let them hurt you,” Jeongyeon promises, voice low and serious, sitting together in the brief moment of peace they have in their van. Jeongyeon presses a tender kiss to her forehead just as her manager opens the car door.

The rumors finally stop.

 

_4.2 but how awake am i now that i know you’re here?_

 

“Are you sure you two aren't actually dating?”

Mina looks up from her game at her manager’s words, who’s holding up their own phone, displaying another article about her and Jeongyeon out on and about.

“We just went out to get ice cream,” Mina answers with a confused look and a shrug, waiting for the photographer to give the okay on their shoot. Jeongyeon is napping on the seat beside her, and Mina reaches over to brush her hair out of her eyes, a small smile on her face.

Her manager gives her a look then, eyebrows lifting before they tap their watch. “We’ll be out in 10. Get her awake, please.”

Mina’s cheeks warm, but she turns back towards Jeongyeon, tracing a finger down her cheek. “Jeongyeon- _san_ ,” She calls softly, shaking her shoulder.

“Mina- _ssi_?” Jeongyeon answers, voice thick with sleep, squinting up at her. Mina smiles warmly, humming in confirmation and melting at the smile she gets in return.

“Time for our next schedule,” Mina informs her, starting to get up from her seat, tugging on Jeongyeon’s arm.

“Kiss?” Jeongyeon murmurs, offering her cheek like she always does, and feels like her heart might burst at how adorable she looked.

Mina gives in, pressing a kiss to her cheek just as her manager comes in to check in on them. She pulls away quickly when they give her a knowing look, flushing when Jeongyeon complains but stands, arm linking with hers.

Jeongyeon sleeps against her shoulder in the van, but the damage is already done, with the knowing smile she’s given through the rearview mirror. But when Jeongyeon mumbles and buries her face against her shoulder, it doesn't seem so bad, after all.

 

 _5_. _if your love was a mountain_

 

Kim Dahyun doesn't walk into Mina’s life so much as barge right into it, with her bright smile and even brighter energy, a near proposal hanging off her lips. Kim Dahyun barges into Mina’s life and Mina refuses to consider her a rebound, despite what others may think, pulled in by her sweet smile and sweeter nature.

Dahyun is… different, for the lack of a better word. Different from the girls she’s dated for the past few years, with a completely different energy, a different kind of love. And yet, Mina can't help but spill her heart out, and she wonders how long it’ll be before she has any left to spill.

They don't date for long, not even for a month, but somehow it feels years longer. To the public, Dahyun is quirky and lively and full of sunshine. To Mina, Dahyun is still quirky and lively and full of sunshine, but she quiets. She grows a little more serious, sheds a lot of what she brings onto the stages she hosts, and she’s lovely in a softer way, like how the sun filters through curtains in the morning. Dahyun shines on stage and glows gently in her arms, and Mina gives her heart away, before she can help herself.

Mina and Dahyun spend most of their days poring over Dahyun’s books, though Dahyun never seems to be listening. They often end up discussing dreams over exam topics, about the places they want to go, the people they want to meet, the foods they want to try. They speak of their fears, of their wishes. Dahyun fears what people would say. Mina fears what they don't. She and Dahyun share their secrets in the safety of Mina and Jeongyeon’s home, away from cameras and prying eyes, and they grow with each other, weaving into each other’s hearts and ending up worse than tangled.

Dahyun proposes to her on a cold October afternoon, dressed in one of Mina’s sweatshirts and cow-print pajamas, a shining silver ring in her hands. Dahyun propose and Mina knows she can't accept, not when there’s so much more than her. So much more than someone who can't even tell the person they love, that they loved them. Dahyun proposes and Mina says no, tells her she can't, tells her all the reasons why she shouldn't. Mina says no and Dahyun smiles knowingly, pressing the ring into the palm of Mina’s hand, regardless. It clinks against the ring she and Jeongyeon had made, and Dahyun’s smile only widens.

“Worth a shot,” Dahyun says, as if she hadn't just asked Mina to spend the rest of her life with her. Dahyun leaves the apartment that night like she always done, with a shy kiss and a squeeze to her hand, the ring heavy in Mina’s hold. “If I graduate with honors, you owe me one last kiss.”

Kim Dahyun barges into her life but leaves quieter than any of the others, with one last kiss at graduation, Dahyun’s breath warm against hers. Dahyun kisses her, gentle and tender and sweet, tasting of chocolate and minty chapstick, and Mina loves her.

That never seems to be enough.

 

 _5.1_ _i swear that i’d climb to the top_

 

“Thank you, for doing this.”

Mina tears her gaze away from the sight of Jeongyeon, who seems to be having the crisis of her life over which Lego set she wants to buy.

“Seungyeon unnie,” Mina greets with a warm smile, folding her hands before her bashfully. Jeongyeon’s older sister had always intimidated her, just a little, being both her senior in the industry and the older sister of the girl she loved. “I made a promise to her.”

Seungyeon hums and nods, standing right next to her, and Mina feels nervous under her gaze despite knowing Seungyeon for almost a decade now. “I’m glad. She deserves a break like this, even if she does look five years old.”

“She wouldn't even sleep on the plane,” Mina tells Seungyeon, and they both laugh, waving Jeongyeon off when she looks over in question.

“Be honest with me,” Seungyeon starts, sobering up a little and looking at Mina seriously, eyes searching. “What’s going on with you and Jeongyeon? I see the articles but I know my sister, I know _you_. Is there anything?”

Mina swallows thickly and shakes her head, lowering her gaze. “No, there isn't, unnie. You know you’d be the first to know if there _was_ something.”

Seungyeon takes her into her arms then, protective and warm, and she sees Jeongyeon in her sister, Mina’s arms winding around her without a second thought. “I’m sorry that Jeongyeon’s denser than a block.”

Laughter tumbles from Mina’s lips and she nods into Seungyeon's shoulder, resting for a moment in the comfort of Seungyeon’s arms. “Sometimes I wish I could just tell her, but Jeongyeon-”

“Jeongyeon’s what?” Jeongyeon’s voice sounds from beside them, and Mina pulls away from Seungyeon’s embrace only to be tugged towards Jeongyeon’s side, an arm sliding around her waist. “You’re not trying to steal Mina away, are you?”

“Please,” Seungyeon scoffs and raps her knuckles against Jeongyeon’s head. “If I wanted to do that, I would have already. Wouldn't be hard with somebody who has no game.”

Jeongyeon gasps as Mina laughs, her head falling against Jeongyeon’s shoulder. “Take it back!”

“Not even because it’s your birthday,” Seungyeon replies with a cheeky smile, heading on out of the gift shop and back into the theme park. “Come on, Mom and Dad are waiting for us.”

Jeongyeon pouts and Mina smiles tenderly, pressing a kiss to her cheek to reassure her. “Don't worry,” She soothes, patting Jeongyeon’s shoulder. “I won't let anyone steal me away so easily.”

“Shouldn't I be the one saying that?” Jeongyeon pouts further and Mina only grins, tucking her head in against Jeongyeon’s shoulder.

“My heart will always be yours, Jeongyeon-san,” Mina hums out, and she knows she’s never spoken any truer words.

“Promise?” Jeongyeon asks, her fingers splayed across Mina’s hip, keeping her close in the crowds.

Mina’s lips curve into a smile, blushing at Seungyeon’s knowing look and nods. “Promise.”

 

_5.2 everything you do and the words you say_

 

“We don't have to do this, you know.”

Mina, knees trembling and heart racing a mile a minute, looks up from her shoes, meeting Jeongyeon’s gaze. Jeongyeon stares at her, eyebrows furrowed ever so slightly, concern clear in her eyes.

“I know,” Mina says simply, trying to keep her voice from shaking. She feels as if she can't breathe, really, but Jeongyeon lets her cling to her jacket, their feet shuffling along.

“Sometimes I think you’re even more stubborn than Nayeon,” Jeongyeon sighs out, tucking Mina’s hair behind her ear, shorter again, back to its original colour.

“That’s harsh, Yoo Jeongyeon,” Mina pouts, and Jeongyeon smiles the smile that Mina loves, bright and toothy and full of light.

Still, Mina clings onto Jeongyeon as the line inches forward, dragging her eyes away from the roller coaster before them. Jeongyeon smiles down at her, small and crooked, and Mina shakes her head. She knows what Jeongyeon is doing, and it won't work.

“I promised I would return the favor,” Mina replies firmly, but Mina’s fingers curl tighter into Jeongyeon’s puffy jacket, only letting go once they’re seated. The ride is just as bad as Mina imagines, fast and winding and Mina spends half of it with her face buried into Jeongyeon’s shoulder, screaming her lungs out.

Mina’s knees are shaking once they finally step off, but Jeongyeon’s smile is brighter than the sun, her cheeks pink from the cold and exhilaration, and Mina knows it’s worth it.

 

_5.3 you’ll play the love and baby, i’ll play the lead_

 

“Go to bed, Yoo Jeongyeon.”

Jeongyeon waves her hand dismissively, though her eyes are half-lidded, her yawns becoming more and more frequent. “You promised to take me around Switzerland.”

Jihyo sends her an amused smile from her make-up chair, in her own conversations with Sana and Nayeon. Mina only shakes her head in fond exasperation, at the girls that they’ve loved and do love, and their stubborn little butts. “And I will, okay? But you need to sleep first.”

“You just want to get rid of me,” Jeongyeon grumbles, her voice thick with sleep and Mina can't help the smile that tugs at the corners of her lips at how petulant she looks right then.

“I promise to call you in a few hours. There’s still time, Jeongyeon-san.” Jeongyeon glares at Mina through the phone, but seems to relent, curled around what seems to be one of Mina’s stuffed penguin toys.

“Okay, okay,” Jeongyeon huffs, her head sinking further into the pillow. “Goodnight, Mina-ssi. I love you.”

Mina, heart stuttering and cheeks warming, avoids the smirk Jihyo sends her through the mirror. “Goodnight, Jeongyeon. I love you too.”

“I thought I had a chance against _that_ ,” Nayeon’s voice sounds from Jihyo’s phone, and Mina groans a little, pouting at Jihyo’s smiling face.

“We all did,” Jihyo laughs softly and they both still love each other, but they just happened to love someone else, more. Sana starts spouting off about missing both Jihyo and Mina and demand they come back already, and Jihyo and Mina share a smile, resting a little closer to each other.

They were going to be okay, after all.

 

 _6_. _i know something now, know something i didn't before_

 

Son Chaeyoung doesn't quite step into her life, not like the other girls. She takes Mina’s hand instead and leads her into her own, into the world Chaeyoung sees, and it feels like a dream.

For once, Mina doesn't worry about her heart, not over Chaeyoung’s tipsy confessions, whispered into the darkness of Chaeyoung’s art studio. Their hands find each other in the darkness, and their hearts beat together in the quiet, blending together like the paint that stained their fingers. They lie together in the knowledge of their shared love, over a girl who never seems to know any better.

Chaeyoung is a wonder, a mystery that never seems to end, a puzzle that wants to be solved and yet, keeps hidden somewhat. She hides behind soft smiles and her wide eyes, as full of questions as they were with answers.

They spend their mornings exploring the city, finding beauty in hidden alleys and quaint cafés and tiny bookshops, buying books probably older than they are and finding mismatched furniture for Chaeyoung’s empty apartment. They spend their nights split between Chaeyoung attending her shows, and Mina acting as Chaeyoung’s muse, holding herself up for what can be hours at a time, always under Chaeyoung’s gentle instructions and careful touch

Jeongyeon asks, but Mina and Chaeyoung stay quiet, sharing their smiles and secrets and a promise to keep what is theirs, theirs. They find partners in each other, solace in the way their heart beats the same, like equals despite the difference in age. Mina knows, if things had been different, she could grow to love Chaeyoung and everything she was and everything she still could be.

It’s never that easy, and when Chaeyoung kisses her, she tastes of cheap alcohol and the understanding that it was nothing more than a comfort to their wounded hearts. Chaeyoung kisses her, but nothing changes.

Chaeyoung stops coming to her shows, but their adventures don't, and Winter feels a little less cold.

 

_6.1 you’ve got me hypnotised, so mesmerised_

 

“It’s incredible, being able to see the world through Chaeyoung’s eyes.” Jeongyeon leads the way through a maze of people and paintings, a local art gallery showcasing some of Chaeyoung’s recent works. Jeongyeon stops before a piece and looks at her, and for a moment Mina forgets she has knees at all. “It’s incredible being able to see _you_ through Chaeyoung’s eyes.”

Mina curls her fingers a little tighter in the crook of Jeongyeon’s arm, who looks beautiful in a simple black dress and a sharp blazer, her silver hair now curling by her jaw. She brings her gaze towards whatever it was Jeongyeon was talking about, eyes landing on a painting of herself, illuminated by early morning sunshine, halfway through her stretches.

Mina gazes upon herself and sees how Chaeyoung sees her, sees how Chaeyoung sees the world when her eyes sweep over the room. Mina gazes upon Jeongyeon and wonders how she sees her, how she looks through Jeongyeon’s eyes. She shakes her head and clears her thoughts, a soft smile on her face. “Well, I’m more interested in how _you_ see me, Jeongyeon-san.”

“I think you’re the most beautiful girl in the world,” Jeongyeon replies seriously, her eyes boring deep into Mina’s, and Mina feels her heart stop, thrown back to the quiet Christmas evening they spent on her childhood bed. Jeongyeon looks at her and the whole world melts away, and Mina almost kisses her.

If Chaeyoung hadn’t showed up a second too early, smile radiant and cheeks pink from the praise she was sure to have received the entire night. Mina lets go of Jeongyeon’s arm to hug Chaeyoung, while Jeongyeon ruffles Chaeyoung’s carefully tousled hair, and when they get home later that evening, Mina wonder if Jeongyeon remembers.

 

_6.2 the possibility that you would ever feel the same way_

 

“Who’s Tzuyu?”

Jeongyeon hums lowly in question, and Mina knows she’s only half-paying attention, rummaging through her room for a clean towel to dry her hair with. Mina smiles fondly and shakes her head, grabbing a towel from where they always are and sitting Jeongyeon down on the edge of her bed, drying her hair for her.

“So,” Mina presses, standing between Jeongyeon’s legs, Jeongyeon’s arms a warm, familiar weight around her waist. “Who’s Tzuyu?”

“Just a model I work with,” Jeongyeon replies, still half-asleep as she flashes Mina a thankful smile. She plays with the hem of Mina’s shirt, touch burning when she accidentally brushes skin. “Why? Are you jealous?”

“Is there any reason for me to be, Yoo Jeongyeon?” Mina asks with a lift of her brow, hooking the towel around the nape of Jeongyeon’s neck, drawing her closer.

Jeongyeon noses at her stomach and Mina squeals, letting go of the towel to push at Jeongyeon’s cheeks. Jeongyeon only grins wider, pulling Mina closer. “Mina-ssi, there’s no need to lie to me~”

They tumble onto the bed and spend a few blissful moments of their morning dancing fingers over sensitive sides, Jeongyeon’s room filled with the sounds of their laughter, and Mina thinks she looks beautiful. Jeongyeon hovers over her and grins in the way that tells Mina she thinks she’s won, and Mina doesn't mind, ruffling Jeongyeon’s damp silver hair. “You’re a menace, Yoo Jeongyeon.”

“Yeah, but I’m your menace, Myoui Mina.” Jeongyeon’s smile softens, one hand propping her hand, the other tracing absently at her hip. “You have nothing to worry about, you know. I’m all yours.”

“Good,” Mina murmurs, her hands linking at the nape of Jeongyeon’s neck, eyes never leaving Jeongyeon’s. Their noses brush, their breaths mingle. And the phone rings.

Jeongyeon collapses onto the bed with burning cheeks, avoiding her gaze and tossing her phone her way. Mina answers as she fans herself, absently humming along to her manager, eyes lingering on Jeongyeon’s back.

They sit together in the van, cheeks aflame and silent, but their hands find each other’s, and the storm in Mina’s heart calms.

 

 _7_. _let me hold both your hands in the holes of my sweater_

 

Mina hears of Tzuyu before she meets her, and when they do it’s a flurry of panic and puppies, and Mina falls asleep on her couch.

Their relationship is slow, quiet despite their first meeting, finding a sort of comfort with one another. They bond over Minjoong and Tzuyu’s studies, though Mina does more of the listening this time, happy to let Tzuyu bounce back what seems to be boundless knowledge and excitement about her field. Tzuyu is quiet and reserved and mature, but she’s also barely an adult, and when Tzuyu smiles flowers blossom in the empty plots of Mina’s heart.

They learn with each other, grow with each other, and spend most of their days crowded over thick books in libraries or running after Minjoong at the park, bodies cold but smiles radiant. Tzuyu smiles at her and Mina feels the iciness of the new year melt away, welcoming Spring and its blooming warmth.

They don't make it.

Tzuyu comes to her one January afternoon, eyes solemn and truly looking her age. Mina remembers Sana, of the way she had looked at her all those months ago, and she understands. Mina holds Tzuyu in her arms, holds her as she murmurs her apologies. She clings to Mina and Mina shushes her, and asks her about the girl instead. Tzuyu tells her about the short haired girl that Minjoong trips over, who spilled sketchbooks and pencils and Mina knows.

Tzuyu likes her, but Tzuyu likes Chaeyoung, more.

Mina knows better than to stand in the way.

 

_7.1 regrets collect like old friends_

 

Chaeyoung calls her weeks later, voice soft and hesitant, an apology on the tip of her tongue. Mina answers and smiles to herself, and asks about their date instead, having passed a pink-cheeked Tzuyu on her way home from work.

“I think I’m falling for her, Mina unnie,” Chaeyoung tells her, voice lighter than she’s ever heard, and Mina’s affection washes over the twinge within her heart.

“I’m sure she’ll be happy to catch you, Chaeyoungie.” They speak until Jeongyeon stumbles into the room, face clean but tired, collapsing onto the bed beside her. Chaeyoung whispers her goodnights and Mina turns to Jeongyeon, who’s beckoning for her to come closer.

“What’s on your mind, Mina-ssi?” Jeongyeon asks her, voice quiet, almost lost in the ticking of the clock. Mina tucks herself into Jeongyeon’s waiting arms, back warm against Jeongyeon’s chest, the familiar weight of Jeongyeon’s limbs locking around her.

“I wish I could have been enough for them,” Mina breathes into the darkness, as Jeongyeon noses at the crook of her shoulder, breath washing over Mina’s skin.

Jeongyeon holds her closer, so close that Mina wonders if Jeongyeon can feel her heart race. “You’re enough for me,” Jeongyeon whispers and curls her fingers into her shirt, and Mina wants more than anything to believe her. “You’re more than enough.”

 

 _8_. _Nowhere 넌 찾을 수 없어 Someone like me_

 

Yoo Jeongyeon is last on her list, but certainly not the least.

Yoo Jeongyeon splashes into her life when she’s a mere 15 years old, who jumps into the pool to save her - only, she can't swim. They sit together in soaked uniforms and matching towels and when Jeongyeon smiles, Mina’s heart skips.

Mina loves Jeongyeon, loves her over baseball games and dance recitals and poring over books, with Jeongyeon and her thick rimmed glasses and charming smile, one that never fails to make her heart race. Mina loves Jeongyeon even when Jeongyeon loves another, even when they don't speak to one another, even when they’re on either side of the city, hands trembling with no one to hold, waiting for their names to be called.

Mina loves Jeongyeon even when she loves another, loves her despite herself, loves her right now as Jeongyeon stands before her, hands shaking and smile nervous and is everything Mina has wanted for so, so long.

Yoo Jeongyeon sweeps her away, sweeps her off her feet, again and again, and their day is spent with a lifetime’s worth of laughter, their hearts finally seeming to beat as one.

Mina turns 23 and Mina finally kisses her. Mina kisses her and she can hardly breathe, hardly think, can hardly do anything but melt into Jeongyeon, and think finally, finally, _finally._

Jeongyeon kisses her and Mina loves her, has loved her and will love her, and can only think one more thing.

It’s been a long time coming.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed it! I wanted to explore Mina's point of view and go into her perspective over the whole thing. Thank you so much for reading and feel free to leave any comments on if I can do any better.


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